Friday, March 5, 2010

Personal Discovery - Cyclical Moods

I have been digging deeply into my psychology for a long time. I thought I found out why I had a losing streak a few weeks ago. I realized that I was in a bad mood because I was upset about something specific and it lasted a couple of days and ruined my trading after a long gaining streak. It was more evident at that time since I've only had a couple of streaks of winning in a series like that.

What I discovered yesterday, however, was that, yes, maybe that time was a bad mood, but more importantly, I have ups and downs. I cycle through them. It sounds simple, but how else would I have discovered it besides being involved in a performance activity? In any other activity, a low state wouldn't matter at all. However, in a performance activity where your every move is judged extremely accurately by being quantified in gains and losses, the performer's details are amplified.

So these moods change how I think. I need these two moods. I am creative and deeper and feeling more in the low mood. It may not even be a lesser mood, it could be just as good as the other, not really needing to be judged, but really identified and managed. I will not trade in mood 2. No way. But now that I know about it, I am looking forward to it because it is a part of me and I have a lot of things I can do besides trade while in state of mind I'll now call creative. I refuse to call it, '2,' or bad or 'low' anymore.

There actually are things that I want to do besides trade and I never really knew when to do them, especially since I've been wanting to study and trade and analyze, etc. Now I know when to do art, music, writing, etc.

Trading was only supposed to be an instrumental goal, while my creative goals were intrinsic. I feel a great weight has been lifted. I now know myself much better. My obsession is not quite over, but contained. I am really psyched, it's like I can now manage my life for the first time, with just the slightest little new awareness. How could it have taken this long? Did I never try and stretch myself this hard? I feel freed from the confusion of my own personality attributes.

So I pounded the heck out of my drums and guitar last night and I think I almost feel like I can activate these states. Knowing that I was in creative state earlier in the day, I was able to re-enter it later at night. I don't even know if I know exactly how to describe this new competency.
At least I knew last night that I was up late engaging that mood and this morning I knew I was up too late to get to the trading platform right at the open. I took my time to properly prepare for trading no matter how late I was since I now know there is no shortcut in prep. Then I was fine missing some moves, then I stuck with it, then I analyzed correctly, gained on a scalp, took lunch, etc. Functioned.

"Know Thyself." I made a step in that direction. So this journal entry is mostly a personal one. Like a real journal, but I am posting it anyway. I feel elevated and calm.

I'll work now on the technical post to come next regarding yesterday's mistake that lead to this mood lesson, and the second scalp, a gain, and today's gain on a trade scalp.

1 comment:

  1. Great post J.

    I think if someone want to become really good at something it requires a certain level of dedication and soul searching. Many great authors also had extensive journals.

    You're definitely on the right path.